I honestly don’t know how I feel about the stage

But I do quite resent the idea

That I must live for it

Simply because I’m on it

That I sought it out

That I was willing to stoop low

That I was chomping at the bit to take the lead

That I manipulated others who carried me

As if every background singer

Is just hoping the lead guy drops dead.

I hate that I have to wear that idiotic presupposition

As if every person

Who is burned at the stake

Longed for that fire, wanted it

As if every person

Who once sang a hymn

Just loved hymns to pieces

Or the poor sap

Who’s asked to lead a rockin’ set

Oh, he must love everything modern

So people start conversations like,

“Oh, well I know you don’t like hymns, but…”

Oh, is it so strange

that people just obey

Do what they’re told

Is it just so strange

That for something higher

Say “The Mission”

That someone might

Do whatever it takes

Whether they like it or not

Whether they want it or not

Whether they are good at it or not

Whether it comes naturally or not

Whether it is their dream or not

Just so that some boy or girl or man or woman could know Jesus

Is it just out of the question

That someone could become

All things for all people

So that SOME would be saved

Is it so strange

That a preference

Could be pushed aside, swallowed

For the sake of souls

Would people look

At our dying Savior on a cross

And say. “Well, he got what he wanted!

He was always gunnin’ for that cross

He must prefer it

It is selfish

It is only because he must not care for ease”

Enough, People

We don’t only take up crosses we prefer

All I know is that every now and then I love my life

And I have to stop myself, remind myself, and say,

“See there!”

And it is both new and not surprising

And I like what I do, really like it

But walls erect themselves without help from me

Though I take one or more rocks down each day

Darned if they don’t mutate on their own

And it doesn’t matter how often you call it dead

It resurrects and resuscitates so quickly

And before you know it, your whole prairie-land

Has square after square of walls in the rolling hills

I put my hand on that stage

Maybe it was the same as the dream

Cause I did speak there

To a large crowd

And I asked you to do it

And I meant it

And I know you came down

And I felt like cool water

Was me for days

Even through the airport

Of the following

And I don’t know why

My theology is wrecked

It’s almost like the smell

Of fresh paint

That overpowers

Every stink in the room

I just know that You did for me

Something that was greater

Than the greatest great

Nothing is as damaging

As that moment when you see

Something that is truly stunning

And you know your soul froze

You’ve got yourself a keepsake

That will attach itself

To your nerve center

It is art

It is nameless

And it is something just for you

You can only kiss it

You, of all people, got to touch

A truly nice thing

I know I don’t really know you

But I feel like I do

More than all of those

Who were friends

I think it’s because

It’s just the sprinkling of us

In a room

Week after week

You honest

Me trying

You appreciative

And I

And it’s honest, you know.

To be there only because

You want to be there

If there’s guilt

I don’t see it

If there’s obligation

It’s only slight

So I feel this hyper-cool

Kindred spirit

And I have no idea

Where it’s going to go

But I want to go there

With you

And I know

We will all

Be better for it.

Is it funny

When the clown

Who only has

One job to do

Falls face down

Unintentionally

Under the big top

Is it funny

When the engineer

Claims you never left the station

Even though He looks

So out of place

In his fur coat

There on the beach

Or is it a crap ton of sad

A sour sack of suck

That you called him Picasso

And gave him a baton

That true artists

And maestros

Would never have taken

While knowing that they

Were completely against

The known flow of the soul of the show

I’ll be polite and say

The chemistry wasn’t right

It was such a cold and hollow night

I didn’t have anyone with me

In that car, that cold night

With no heat, remember?

You were working late.

Christmas eve

And I was fine

Waiting for you to finish your shift

And I was happy to do it.

That quiet was the sweetest danger

Me, in that part of town, that late

But I was there for you

And if I wasn’t, you would have folded

Like a rose when the termperature drops

To darn low

You didn’t bother checking to see

What time you got off work

You didn’t know what to tell me

I simply had to wait

Be there for you

Knowing that it would have been

The biggest inconvenience

For you to do the same

And I’m not saying

I was any more human or anything

I just had an uncanny ability

To turn it all off

To sit there in the cold

Waiting to enjoy you.

I was probably the most embarrassed

When you passed him in the hall

And shrunk up against the wall

So as not to touch him

Or breathe the same air

And you looked like a little girl

A three-year old girl

Who missed a few smacks

That might have kept her

From becoming such a spoiled waste

An obvious room-revolting brat

Who leaves a bad taste in every mouth,

Even the most sympathetic

And I have to see that picture

Every so often

And I think as I look

Everyone knows what kind of bird that is

Your momma called you ugly

I majored in vilification

You were a fantastic teacher

I’m so glad I saw the trend

Of dreaming up killers

That you filled the tub with

And soaked in all the live long day

In gleeful murderous preoccupation

I can name them, everyone.

You crazy crazy luff

And to think

You did nothing but flap

Every day of your life

It all came to nothing

Except one woman

On the stairs

One time

But that did not make them all monsters

Just one

And let’s keep in mind

That it is you telling the story

Unconfirmed by anyone that matters

So that tub will drain

And I won’t think of it again.

And just like that

On the hill

Where you schooled me in love

I dropped the class

To pursue a life of living again

In the winds of steady sailing

Where people are friends

And villians are very very rare

She owned a pet deer

And smelled of cigarettes

The whole house in a haze

Mother of a very nice lesbian

And strange like the new kid

Who eats boogers

You want to befriend him

But there’s just too big a wall of weird

To know what to do with

So you smile and think

I’m a horrible person

Yet there I was in her care

How hard up for sitters

Could people be

To leave me with her

In a house so thick with smoke

That my stomach hurt so deep

For days.

She was very lonely

Dead now I’m sure

But a friend to me

That you mocked just seconds

Before leaving me

With her