There’s a deep pain
That she can’t access
She won’t. Never.
Because she can’t fathom
Any benefit whatsoever

So long live the factotum
Long live the toiler
There’s only a hunch life
Only a hunch life for me now
Which can only be mouthed silently

See, I know I’m not work-shy
You can’t be where I am
You can’t do what I do
Without a knuckle in your ribs
Without a kite and a wind

She can’t equal that grit
Can’t even mount that red flag
And absolutely won’t fawn over
Or beseech the dusty road
To yield an a-ha

So she and all the other fussbudgets
Can squander breathlessly to the grave
And to her far off kin I’ll be fair
She never knew my need for words and rescue
And I never knew her need to peg away and peg away and peg away

I stepped on a piece of glass
Got most of it out
But a bullish and determined shard
Found a way to tunnel
And burrow like a kingfisher
It’s baloney to know you won’t win
Like scraping teeth to realize
That inflammation and infection
Are next in line for a long time

And you wonder why
Friends slip by
Though you know your smug ways
You deny it just the same
Call me victim says the villain
Call me victim says the villain
And you cry cry cry
Cry cry cry

And they can forgive and have
Got most of it out
But you’ve become known for who you are
Don’t look the same no more
I warned you about the cartoon
And I warned you about every lie
Like biting nails you’ve realized
That inflammation and infection
Are next in line for a long time

And you wonder why
Friends slip by
Though you know your smug ways
You deny it just the same
Call me victim says the villain
Call me victim says the villain
And you cry cry cry
Cry cry cry

Yeah, I’ll take that note
But that note’s a badger
You can rewind
And say it twice
But meaning it’s another matter

Let let die
And die to this

You penguin waddle
Through your stubborn wall
With too much garlic
And too much sauce
As if you’ve never savored at all

Let let die
And die to this

And the huffiness
Makes ’em fear you like a skunk
Always afraid of spray
Always ready to duck
And always they’d rather be drunk

Let let die
And die to this

It was an art exhibition
The subject laid down
In the middle of the lawn
There in front of the capital
Flanked by a sparse crowd
Of mostly uninterested onlookers
As 30 men on onc side
All dressed in black
And 30 men on the other side
All dressed in black
Spaced themselves apart
Every 10 feet or so
The first 2 men in each line
Held two corners
Of a gigantic and beautiful
Shiny stretch of black satin.
They passed the satin
From one man to the next
Until the fabric
Ceremoniously covered
The entire lawn
A shimmering sea of black
The wind blew now and then
Creating tiny waves of black
But other than that
It was still and calm
And the crowd was so quiet
All could hear the faint plea
of the subject
Still laying
In the middle of the lawn
But now covered
As he said
It’s so heavy
It’s so dark
I can’t move
I can’t see
It was an art exhibition
And that’s how it feels
Each time to me

Again and again
In the Psalms
It is said
That living life
Close to God
Is much like
Living freely
In wide open space
And I picture
Fields of grain
And frilly white dresses
Flowing in the breeze
On a cool day
Which is a look
I could never pull off
For several reasons
But I admit
That the thought
Of vast freedom
Of airy wonder
Of perfect spring weather awe
Is a completely delicious thought
Especially now
When most days
My spandex-clad soul
Can barely move
Can barely breathe
Can barely stand
To be seen
As I really am
Oh I suppose
The truth is that
I would really like
The dance
The laugh
The exhale
And the light
Of that open space
I really would

Atlanta 1979-1981
You scared me
When I was a boy 8-11
‘Cause boys went missing
And was led to believe
We lived close enough
That we should worry
Which wasn’t true
I see that now
But my heart
Bled with each report
With each missing boy
28 in total
It was the first time
I really cried out to God
Please save those boys
Please save those boys
Please save those boys
And I remember the news
One by one reporting
Body found
Body found
Body found
And I ached and ached
It was the first time
I asked God why
Why murder
Why kidnapping
Why Wayne Williams
Why pray
Why them
Why not me
Atlanta 1979-1981
You sacred me
When I was a boy 8-11

Nervous laughter
Is such a gift
Cause at the break
There is a revelation
When it settles
You’ve moved
Into a tightly tethered tribe
Into kinship
Into rest

I know I’m surrounded by doors
I know but I can’t breathe
Dread sits on my chest
Cause I’m worried about my commitment
See I’ve charged enemy lines before
Many times actually
Sold-out and fully invested
I went, I rallied, I led

I’m know I’m surrounded by doors
I know but I can’t cajole
Cause faith in so young
In this early season of trust and see
See I’ve called leaders to the table
Many times actually
And I’m listening – listening
For a heartbeat – a heartbeat

I know I’m surrounded by doors
I know but I crave sleep
Deep escaping deep
And it looks like lazy abdication
See I wonder the same thing myself
Many times actually
A window seat’s a window seat
It’s my lot to point and gaze

I will never be accused of
Redemptive criminality
My evil was only ever for me
For my thirst – for my hand
For my taste – for my revenge
Unless the cycle was meant to be
Or some generational inevitability
The fingerprints will all still bleed
Of a selfish lone gunman
Of a spoiled lone thief
Of a night-life lone drunk
Of a hell or high water lone breed
Believe everything you read
It was all done by only me
I admit it – I did it – Honestly

Time has a gum-chewing problem
Smacking and smacking
Like lightening cracking
Like a church mother’s hand
To the back of you head
Or a throat that is cleared
Lets you know you are dead

Time has a promise-keeping problem
Always insinuating restful reprieve
Just around the the bent knee
Like a one-night stand
Asking to get paid
Or a coin in the machine
That won’t do what it said

Time has a sick sense of humor
And a rotten right of way
To sing mercy and grace
While prying open your eyes
To watch the year’s long delay
Of the soldiers who were sent
To shield you from an unsafe day