Atlanta 1979-1981
You scared me
When I was a boy 8-11
‘Cause boys went missing
And was led to believe
We lived close enough
That we should worry
Which wasn’t true
I see that now
But my heart
Bled with each report
With each missing boy
28 in total
It was the first time
I really cried out to God
Please save those boys
Please save those boys
Please save those boys
And I remember the news
One by one reporting
Body found
Body found
Body found
And I ached and ached
It was the first time
I asked God why
Why murder
Why kidnapping
Why Wayne Williams
Why pray
Why them
Why not me
Atlanta 1979-1981
You sacred me
When I was a boy 8-11

Nervous laughter
Is such a gift
Cause at the break
There is a revelation
When it settles
You’ve moved
Into a tightly tethered tribe
Into kinship
Into rest

I know I’m surrounded by doors
I know but I can’t breathe
Dread sits on my chest
Cause I’m worried about my commitment
See I’ve charged enemy lines before
Many times actually
Sold-out and fully invested
I went, I rallied, I led

I’m know I’m surrounded by doors
I know but I can’t cajole
Cause faith in so young
In this early season of trust and see
See I’ve called leaders to the table
Many times actually
And I’m listening – listening
For a heartbeat – a heartbeat

I know I’m surrounded by doors
I know but I crave sleep
Deep escaping deep
And it looks like lazy abdication
See I wonder the same thing myself
Many times actually
A window seat’s a window seat
It’s my lot to point and gaze

I will never be accused of
Redemptive criminality
My evil was only ever for me
For my thirst – for my hand
For my taste – for my revenge
Unless the cycle was meant to be
Or some generational inevitability
The fingerprints will all still bleed
Of a selfish lone gunman
Of a spoiled lone thief
Of a night-life lone drunk
Of a hell or high water lone breed
Believe everything you read
It was all done by only me
I admit it – I did it – Honestly

Time has a gum-chewing problem
Smacking and smacking
Like lightening cracking
Like a church mother’s hand
To the back of you head
Or a throat that is cleared
Lets you know you are dead

Time has a promise-keeping problem
Always insinuating restful reprieve
Just around the the bent knee
Like a one-night stand
Asking to get paid
Or a coin in the machine
That won’t do what it said

Time has a sick sense of humor
And a rotten right of way
To sing mercy and grace
While prying open your eyes
To watch the year’s long delay
Of the soldiers who were sent
To shield you from an unsafe day

I ain’t paying rent

On your busted-up home

The grass our front

Is sitting waste high

The cat our back

Has seconds to die

The neighbors hate you

Can’t blame ’em at all

You set fire

To their trash cans

And threw oil

On their lawn

You’re a hateful

Mess of bitter

With a battle-ax nose

For sniffin’ the sinister

And spreading the cold

I don’t know why I loved you

Truly don’t have a clue

Must have been in a war

With my lonely

Or at peace

With my doom

Heaven’s not ready for you
So sleep and then sing your tune
Heaven. Heaven is in another morning
Wake and do the best that you can do
Heaven’s not ready for you

Heaven’s not ready for you
You struggle on for now as we all must do
Heaven. Heaven is in the shallow
But You’ve got deep water to get through
Heaven’s not ready for you

Heaven’s not ready for you
You can’t walk before your cue
Heaven. Heaven is in the credits
And your name will be listed then too
Heaven’s not ready for you

It’s like you walk with a peg leg

‘Cause we all hear you coming

We all feel you well

It’s like you are a skilled strangler

‘Cause you leave us breathless

Living or not as you will

It’s like you hold all the strings

‘Cause we move when you say

We do what you empower

It’s like you like leading

‘Cause none of us knows best

And you know it

We crawled out
The east window
To play I spy
My brother drove by
And announced
What he thought
But not before
The thick of it
And the long
And short of it
But not before
Such enjoyment
Of sleep
That was something
And nothing at all
All at the same time

Dropped

All the way down

How long

Time to think

Time to pray

Because of the heat

Because of fear

Out of defiance

Or want

Captured on film

Heard by anyone

Known at all

 

I think

I would have

Jumped also

And knowing me

Would feel

Immediate doubt

And I trust

There would have been

Enough time

For my doubt

To settle

Into resolve